Student: Ms. Yu...if your father live in Canada, and your Mother also live in Canada, why are your eyes not BLUE??

(Lights are going dim for rehearsal)

Student: Ms. Yu...your face look like the dark chocolate in the dark!

Me: Riiigghhhttt

Student: Do you know who is high Ms. Yu?

Me: Um, he..he..I dunno who?

Student: Me, look how HIGH I am, I'm sooooo HIGH!

Me: he..he...high...he...he

Student: You see, I'm more high that Sally...I'm so high.

Me: OOHHH you mean TALLER? LOL

Student: Ms. Yu your ass is very big.

Me: EXCUSE ME!?!

Student: Yes, your ASS is very BIG!

Me: Sad face

Student: You see (pointing to my EYES) your ass is very big!

Me: OOHHH...hahahaha

Student: Ms. Yu, your face look like the banana...

Me: Oh burn!

Tiny P1 Student: What the F***!!! What the F***!!!

Me: whoa...WHOA. EXCUSE ME, what did you say?

Tiny P1 Student: F*** YOU!!!!

Me: ><

Me: Repeat after me...BARN

Student: Ok...PORN

Me: ><

Me: Repeat after me...TIDY

Student: Ok...TITTY

Me: ><

Ms. Yu can I look in here?

Me: Look in where?

Student: In here (pointing at my shirt)

Me: ????

Student: To see your body...can I look in here?

Me: ....WTF....NOOO!

Student: Your pussy is beautiful!

Me: O..M..G..what did you say?

Student: Your pussy is so beautiful....

Me: ...WTF...

Student: p-o-s-e...pos-e, your pussy is beautiful.

Me: OH POSE?!?!? it's said...pose POSE, for the love of God...POSE!!

"Lady Gaga has a banana."

Me: This is how you check your heart rate. (pointing to my wrist)

Me: You can also check it here. (pointing to my neck)

Student: Can you check your heart rate here Ms. Yu? (pointing to her PRIVATES) Can you feel your heart beat here?

Me: umm...ahem...well...you...uh...maybe...anywaysssss.

Me: Who can tell me what a policeman does?

Student: I know! They go to catch the black people!!

Me: Wait, do you mean BAD people? catch the bad people?

Student: No, black people, they go to catch the BLACK people!!

Me: Um ok, just checking... ><

Me: Simon says shake your head!

Me: Simon says shake your body!

Student: Ms. Yu can you say "Simon says shake your classmate's bum" next?

Me: Lemme think about that...um no.

Student: Ms. Yu are you married?

Me: Nope

Student: But Ms. Yu...you are so beautiful, why does no one love you?

Me: Bahahaha

Me: Ok now that we know what sharp means, who can tell what you can do with something sharp, like a knife?

Student: You can cut things!

Me: Exactly, when something is sharp you can cut things, who can give me and example of something you can cut?

Student: People!!!!

Me: >< o...m...g....anyone else?

Student: Small animals?!?!

Me: WTF is wrong with my kids....

Student: Apples???

Me: THANK YOU, that's better :)

Me: What snacks do you like to eat?

Student: Penis!!

Me: I'm sorry??

Student: PENIS!!

Me: ><

Student: Ms. Yu see...Penis!! Yummy!!

Me: OH you mean PEANUTS. HAHAHA

Me: Repeat after me...'pizza'

Student: Ok...'penis'

Me: HAHAHA um close..but not quite.

Student: Happy Valentines Day Ms. Yu!

Me: Thanks! You too!

Student: Do you have a MAN?

Me: Haha do you mean...boyfriend?

Student: No, a MAN.

Ms Yu: "I'm going to put up a clock in the classroom."

Student: "Is it going to be a long cock or a short cock?"

Ms Yu: "WHAT???"

Student: "Oh sorry, I mean a big cock or a small cock?"

Ms. Yu: "Hahaha, a big CLOCK, a very big white CLOCK"

Student: "Ms. Yu, do you like to eat breasts?"

Me: "ummm can you say it one more time?"

Student: "Breasts, do you like?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Student, pointing at a picture of BREAD: "You see? breasts."

Student: "Ms. Yu, do you like shit?"

Me: "Do I like WHAT?"

Student: "Shit, do you like shit?"

Me: Ummmmm

Student, pointing to a picture of a SHEEP: "You see? I like shit very much! Do you like?"

China baby A: Whoa, why are Ms. Yu's eyes brown?

China baby B: Of course they are, foreign people's eyes are like that!

"Ms. Yu!! Your teeth are tooooo white!"

This is what happens when you let parents in china name their kids: Krios, Chormise, Kanson, Charmmy, and my favorite...Sarch! wahaha.

Me: Hey tiny kindergarden baby hiding in playhouse, the bell rang time to go to class.

Tiny kindergarden baby: Oh Shit!! (runs away)

Me: Can you make a sentence using the word "hot?"

Student A: "It is very hot today."

My new favourite student: "Ms. Yu is HOT!"

Me: try to say something in english.

Student: ms. yu is more beautiful than a superstar!!!